I was recently asked if I would contribute a piece of my own poetry for a publication being created by Portsmouth Libraries Writer In Residence 2012 (PLWIR) Denyse Kirkby. The publication is to be entitled 'WeLL, what's your story', & the content will be drawn from personal stories, anecdotes, poetry & creative writing produced by the residents of Portsmouth. With the common thread being what Portsmouth, the city, has come to mean to the writer.
To say I am humbly flattered Denyse has asked me to make a contribution to her fantastic project, is an understatement. What follows at the end of this preface is the piece I have created to be considered for inclusion.
The idea for my contribution came from a few scribbled lines I had jotted down in my notebook & was put together into a more fully fledged piece when I attended & met Denyse at her recent WeLL session, held at Cosham Library. I had almost completed the poem when time beat us in the session, so I have finished the work at home.
The idea of writing a piece around mental health wellness seemed perfect for the title of Denyse's planned publication. In Denyse's case however the brilliant 'WeLL' project she has created, explores the theme for her year as PLWIR, which is 'We Love Literacy'. For more information about Denyse, her writing & her residency then click on this link to Denyse's own website http://djkirkby.co.uk/
I hope you enjoy this my most recent of poems. It has been for me the most challenging I have undertaken. In this poem I have tried to convey feelings drawn from my own mental health illness experiences, described as though being felt by another sufferer. I have cast myself in the role of the helping hand all sufferers rely on, when, & if available, to assist in their mental health wellness. I have titled the piece 'Incandescent Self'.
Incandescent Self
Lurking, stalking the depths of despair are never very far.
Voices in the silence are screaming and shouting, of memories
you've whispered in the dark.
Torment it nestles quietly, waiting, in every recess of your soul.
Just as you think it's sleeping; velvet like, it ascends resuming its heavy toll.
Right now the need for sleep is grating, behind weary stinging eyes.
It distresses you in ways you've never felt before, like scraping bleeding knuckles across a pebble dashed wall.
The pain is indescribable, maligned & misunderstood, you try to verbalise it, so they might glimpse what harries behind your cloaked construct.
Empty promises you hear from smiling strangers, as you walk into the unknown, will turn into familiar rejection once they realise you are tortured
and struggling for control.
The patient understanding you are yearning you think you'll never find
It's within touch dear reader, you'll recognise it here in my true and caring eyes
From me you'll receive no rejection, just comfort, understanding
and an empathetic smile.
You've suffered at the cruellest hands both physically and in your mind, from which you've retreated deep within, to protect your glorious incandescent self from the brusque inquisition of your anguished mental health.
Trust me when I tell you of your gentle inner strength and push open the robust door you believe seals your future shut.
I will be there to greet you and still your trembling hand as comfort is restored
where we will walk together weeping on nature's golden sands
under the glow of soft and warming light.
Five children we see building castles with buckets spades and sticks
laughing oblivious as we weeping pass them by
We walk on together your stride extends with mine to leave the scene we witnessed, knowing sadly in our hearts
that at least two of these innocents will one day shed tears in a scene just like this
Empty promises you hear from smiling strangers, as you walk into the unknown, will turn into familiar rejection once they realise you are tortured
and struggling for control.
The patient understanding you are yearning you think you'll never find
It's within touch dear reader, you'll recognise it here in my true and caring eyes
From me you'll receive no rejection, just comfort, understanding
and an empathetic smile.
You've suffered at the cruellest hands both physically and in your mind, from which you've retreated deep within, to protect your glorious incandescent self from the brusque inquisition of your anguished mental health.
Trust me when I tell you of your gentle inner strength and push open the robust door you believe seals your future shut.
I will be there to greet you and still your trembling hand as comfort is restored
where we will walk together weeping on nature's golden sands
under the glow of soft and warming light.
Five children we see building castles with buckets spades and sticks
laughing oblivious as we weeping pass them by
We walk on together your stride extends with mine to leave the scene we witnessed, knowing sadly in our hearts
that at least two of these innocents will one day shed tears in a scene just like this
